I'd just written most of this out and then my stupid cat went and stood on the keyboard and deleted it all. Git.
Anyway.
Do me a favour guys. Take a look around the room you're sitting in. Find something, anything, that's about two and a half metres away from you, anything at all... Got it? Okay, now look around and find something that's about three metres away from you... Alright? Okay, now let's try to personify these items into people. Oh, I don't know, let's say that the two and a half metre away object is Jack Black and the three metre away object is Kyle Gass. This might help to give you an idea of JUST HOW FUCKING CLOSE I WAS TO THEM LAST NIGHT.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Cutting out a long story of queueing and coldness. We ended up in the cafe of Birmingham NEC eating fish and chips. I'd decided to go to the toilet because I hadn't been for hours and I knew what it was like to be at a gig where you're desperate for the loo but can't leave the pit. So I went into the girls bathroom, which was empty, and sat down to do my merry business (on the toilet, not on the floor) when all of a sudden a booming voice shouted; "KAGE?! KAGE?!" And I thought; "What the bloody hell is that?!" Before realising that it was Jack Black doing his soundcheck in the next room! Hehehe!
Eventually it got to the point where everyone in the cafe was eyeing each other up, and calculating who was sitting closest to the doors that would leave you into the arena. (Incidently.. It was us.) Then as soon as the door supervisor opened the double doors, everyone sprung into action. Nicola and I leapt to our feet showing our wristbands to the supervisor and fleeing towards the pit, with Jamie following suit. I've never seen an arena empty of fans before, but that's exactly what it looked like because we were the first people in there! We, of course, grabbed the front and center spot.
Whilst everyone was waiting for the arena to fill up, we got talking to the lads sitting behind us who explained it was their first big concert. (Aww.) Then I was half listening to a conversation between two girls when I suddenly heard one of them say; "Blah blah blah blah blah Noel Fielding blah blah blah" And I spun around all; "Eh? What? Noel Fielding? His brother is cuter!" Before realising my boyfriend was standing next to me. Heehee.
Everyone was really excited, and the entire crowd ended up singing random Tenacious D songs whilst waiting for the support guy to come on. (Some comedian called Neil Hamburger (and I use comedian in the loosest term ever)) Eventually the lights dimmed and a greasy, sniffling guy shuffled onto stage with three cups of goodness knows what in his arms. This was the support.
I'm still not sure if his act was supposed to be horribly bad and get everyone so wound up that they ended up chanting; "You suck dick" and throwing pennies at him. I hope it was because otherwise I feel sorry for him, but for fucks sake he was awful! He was telling jokes about Princess Diana dying, Courtney Love dying of a heroin overdose and other things that nobody found funny at all. The funniest part of his act was all the heckling he was getting. He called everybody cocksuckers and told us that if we chanted; "You suck cock" one more time then he was going to add seven jokes to his set and seven more every time the phrase was repeated.
He went off finally and everyone waited around for Tenacious D to come on. Suddenly there was a huge crush against us and people were screaming and looking behind them. Some random guy had pissed into a cup and was threatening to throw it around. Jamie pulled his hood up, whilst Nicola and I ducked down low! The cup landed on the people behind us and the security at the front of the stage went MENTAL. They yelled at this guy for ages, and tried to grab him to drag him out of the pit but he disappeared into the crowd. One guy got so soaked that he had to take his shirt off and give it to security to put in front of the stage. Ew?
Then the lights dimmed again and the silver curtain at the front of the stage was pulled down to reveal a backdrop of a yellow wall, with Dio posters on it. There was a fridge on one side of the stage and a door on the other. In the middle was a couch, on that couch was a blanket, under that blanket were Tenacious D. Everyone went absolutely INSANE screaming and cheering and roaring as JB and KG stood up and surveyed the audience. I couldn't believe how close we were to them! They picked up their guitars and shot into "Kielbasa" with everyone screaming along loudly. After that they played "History."
During "History", a man wandered through the door on the stage and sat down on the couch. Anybody who had seen the Tenacious D movie immediately recognised him as the random pizza delivery guy, also known as LEE! Lee routed around in the fridge (which seemed to contain nothing but a picture of a naked woman) as the guys played an amazing version of Wonderboy.
They played; I'm Roasted, Dio and Government before getting Lee up to the top of the stage to sing Special Things with Kyle, Jack butting in every now and again annoyed that Kyle had given Lee a key to the apartment when he didn't even have one. The one song I really wanted them to play was Lee, which they did and it was fucking BRILLIANT! Lee then went and fetched a toy saxaphone, which Jack played rather expertly a brilliant song called SAXABOOM.
After the next song (The Road) Jack started talking about going "ELECTRO!" To which everyone was cheering at, but Kyle didn't want to go electro, he liked it when it's just him and Jack playing their acoustic guitars in Kyle's apartment. Jack wouldn't take that at all, and he pulled out an electric guitar, which was basically a toilet bowl with orange cables as the strings. He placed this around Kyle's neck and picked up the plug. Before Jack plugged it in he started bitching again at Kyle for giving a key to Lee, especially when "when Lee does come in here all his does is spill water all over the electrical sockets! Oh well." Jack then plugged in the guitar and they both got electrocuted, running offstage.
The roadies came on and dragged all of the items onstage off, leaving a weird projection onto this screen. Jack and Kyle eventually wandered onto it as part of the projection, looking completely confused. They were all; "Whoa dude, we totally got electrocuted, where the hell are we?" We then see that they're standing in a red desert, with fire spurting out of holes. Kyle started complaining that they were in hell, to which Jack retorted that they didn't know that for sure and that it might be heaven. As he said this they spot Jesus, shredding in the corner. So they went over and "Jesus" explained that he's not Jesus at all, but the anti-Christ. Then they meet Colonel Sanders (I can't remember his reason for being in hell) who had two drumsticks, and Charlie Chaplin (who was in hell for being gay!) Who had a bass. They decided this was going to be their band!
The screen this was projected onto then dropped to reveal a mean looking drumset, with fake rocks with fake fire coming out of it and the band ran onto the stage playing Kickapoo, Explosivo and Karate. During the last song Kyle and Jack got into a fight, which resulted in Kyle storming down stage and pulling his trousers down at Jack. Jack then guided us into a nice version of Dude, at which point he met my eyes for a second! Hurrah! Kyle came back on halfway through this song and they hugged at the end before playing Kyle Quit and Friendship.
At the end of Friendship, Jack was laughing at talking to the audience, when SOMETHING walked onstage. Kyle noticed it first and jumped all; "Oh my GOD!" Jack, noticing Kyle, looked round and stumbled backwards shouting; "Holy shit! What the fuck is that thing, man?!" Well, that thing was Lee dressed up like some sort of weird monster thing. Tenacious D played The Metal loudly, as Jack attempted to beat the metal.
Then they played Break In City (Storm The Gate) (where he actually had the Pick Of Destiny, and he threw it into the crowd!), Car Chase City and PaPaGenn (He's My Sassafrass) YAY! THE SASQUATCH SONG! It was done almost like in the film. Jack claimed he was starving and began to eat some 'mushrooms' which was actually popcorn. Then he began giggling as Lee twirled out onto the stage in a giant flourescent mushroom outfit.
After this the Anti-Christ came foward and mentioned that his father, Satan, really wanted to play a song with the band. KG and JB were a little against this, expressing their doubts to the audience as Satan himself (again, Lee in a costume!) strolled onto the stage cackling. Thus began a bout of Master Exploder, Beelze Boss (The Final Showdown) and Double Team. Where Tenacious D finally defeated Satan.
They ran off and everyone began shouting for The D! We wanted more! Plus, they hadn't played Tribute yet! After a few moments they ran back onto the stage and told us that the next song was for the ladies, but fellows should listen closely. IT WAS FUCK HER GENTLY! We laughed a lot and sang along, then afterwards they played Tribute! That was definately the loudest song of the night, obviously. I leant against Jamie and we watched Jack and Kyle, then we both noticed Kyle watching us, so I pointed at him and he nodded, with a smile (He couldn't point back as he was playing his guitar! La Woot!)
Tribute was their last song, and as everyone was leaving one of the security blokes stood in front of us for a while, looked at me and then gave me something. It was a two pieces of paper. IT WAS THEIR SETLIST! Hurrah!
What an amazing gig! We got a ton of pictures, which i'll put up as soon as I get them along with the Placebo pictures.