Mcfucking hell.
Just got back from The theatre in Milton Keynes where I saw the amazing New Statesman starring the one and only RIK MAYALL. It was amazing, I mean, we fucking met him! Let me explain..
We got driven up there by Kim's dad, and on the way we wrote a note to attach to Mr. Radish with one of my hairbands, lol. It went something like:
Dear Rik,
This is Mr. Radish, he doesn't have a first name, but if he did, it would be Clive.
He is the best and most fantabulous good look charm you will ever receive, ever, he is amazing.
His brother, who is also called Mr. Radish without a first name but etc etc Clive, is in the possession of James Marsters, who played Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
We only give these charms to the greatest people in entertainment and you, thanks to your years of making us laugh and teaching us to love green pirate hats, are very worthy!
Lots of love, from Corinne, Nicola and Kim (and also Kim's dad who drove us here.)
Then there were a lot of P.S's but fuck it. I want to get to the bit where we met Rik Mayall.
So after we'd been dropped over, we decided to wander around the theatre to see if there was any obvious place where he would be. Well, we'd only been walking for about 2 minutes when Nicola noticed a sign saying "Stage Door" so we went over and a girl was sitting outside it, she came over and discovered we were all Rik Mayall fans! She'd been to his shows before so she assured us that he always went in through the stage door and she'd asked the receptionist whether he was in yet, but he wasn't. So we sat on the steps with her and chatted for a bit.
Then suddenly, Kim and Nicola froze and started stuttering "Oh..my..fucking.." And I looked round and Rik Mayall had just rounded the corner and was walking towards us with a big smile on his face! He was carrying his own bags, bless him. But he put them down and spread his arms and was like "Heeey! It's my birds!" Which induced nervous giggles. Then Laura (the obssessed fan who was already sitting outside) asked if he would sign some thing's and he picked up his bag and laughed and said he just had to drop them inside.
When he came out, he was still smiling and was all "So! My top birds!" More nervous giggling. I suddenly realised I was holding Mr. Radish, with the note wrapped around him. So I held it out to him and said "Here, have a radish!" When he took it, he looked a little confused but then his eyes lit up and he pulled his trousers forward and made like he was going to stuff it down there! We burst out laughing and he pulled it out quickly and was like "Oh? Doesn't it go down there?" And Nicola wittingly replied; "Well, it can if you want to!" So he went to do it again, which made us laugh even more. Then Nicola said; "Oh, it's not dirty or anything.." And he put it in his pocket, still smiling, all "Oh, bugger!"
We all stood with photo's for him. On Kim's (who was first) he started messing with his hair just as I pressed the shutter saying, "Oh wait, my hair looks shit!" So I had to take that photo again, which I don't think Kim minded about. He noticed she was shaking when he was hugging her, which was really cute, lmao. Then Nicola had her photo taken and was all smiles because she was being held in a bear hug by Rik Mayall! Then I stepped forward and he pulled me into a bear hug like Nicola, and I was totally taken aback by how fucking strong he was! Then he kissed the top of my head (!!!!!!) (Actually, he kissed Nix and Kim too, so don't think i'm special, and Laura sort of threw herself at him O.o)
Nix pulled out her "Bigger Than Hitler, Better Than Christ" book and asked if he could sign it. He wrote; "For Nicola, from THE RIK! xx!" Then Kim did the same ^^ and then I didn't have a book! So I got some paper out and we huddled round it and he said; "So, what's your name, bird?" [Squeal] and I told him my name.. Corinne, you should know that people. But when he was writing it he wrote: "For.." And then started to write a 'K' and I was like "It's C!" And he paused and looked at me like "A 'C'?" and I nodded and he thought for a moment as to how he could change the line for a K into a C, but then decided he couldn't and shoved that piece of paper with a humorous "Oh bugger!"
Sooo yeah, I have a piece of paper that says "For Corinne, love Rik Mayall xxx" I kept the mistake one as well XD.
Then he had to go inside, but the show wasn't going to start for a while so we all just sat down in the shade by the stage door and had a chat. After a while some more people showed up and were rather dismayed that we'd already met Rik. But then we noticed him walking up towards the stage door and I waved, to which he grinned very heartily. Gasp.
Then after waiting for a while, putting our names down to receive some New Statesman posters, buying a "Vote B'stard" red rosette, pissing off to McDonalds for something to eat so we wouldn't die, it was finally time to go into the theatre! We were on the 'A' row of the balconey and had a fucking amazing view. So we were really excited and then when the New Statesman music started it induced much poking from Nicola.
We couldn't take photo's inside the theatre because it was STRICTLY PROHIBITED and you can get kicked out, so there arn't any of the play. But some woman in the front row was taking pictures so maybe I can track her down, lol. The actually show was fucking hilarious.
There was a hilarious bit where Rik was on the phone to Tony Blair and he was all; "How dare you call a fucking meeting that fucking overlaps mine? You fucking.. Oh don't start crying again!" He also did a wicked impression of Tony Blair too, taking the piss when he was like; "That fucking Tony Bleuuurgh, he doesn't want to bring down the BBC, he's all like 'B-b-but Alan, The BBC, has, promised me, my, own television, series, once labour, is finished!'" Cracking stuff.
He only fluffed his lines once, as well. Although it was at a very unfortunate time, when he was ranting about all the things he'd been doing and he said: "Yes! I've even got the border patrols stopping anybody that looks as sexy as George Michael from..." Then he stopped and looked round at all of us and said: "You know when you're an actor on tour, and you accidently say George Michael is sexy instead of suarvy?" Then he laughed a little and started the line again, which was very funny. There was also a bit where he adlibbed with the woman that played Condoleeza Rice, because she grabbed him by the balls and he shouted; "No don't! You're making the bell end grow!" And the woman playing Condoleeza just cracked up, which made Rik laugh whilst he informed us that that was "a new line he'd just thought of!"
There was a very funny (and odd) scene where he had to pretend to have sex with Flora, lmfao. It was so weird, she had a skirt on and she pulled her pants down (under the skirt, we couldn't see anything!) and flicked them, then he caught them in his mouth, which was amazing! But then the weirdest fucking thing, he shoved them in his mouth and ATE THEM! I'm not even joking! We figure they must be candy knickers or something. 'Cause seriously?? He had his fly undone (purposely) for a lot of it too, lmfao.
There was a very funny moment right after the intermission where Frank (Alan B'stards right hand man) is on the phone to Her Maj' the Queen, and he's was like; "Oh, he's not here right now ma'am, he's in a cabinet meeting. I'll make sure Mr. Bastard..Stard..Mr. B'stard! Phones you back!" Then Rik stormed onto the stage like: "FUCKING HELL, I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF FUCKING MEETINGS.." Whilst Frank was trying desperately to cover up the mouthpiece so the queen couldn't hear B'stard's tirade, then he held the phone out as Alan quieted slightly and Rik walked over to him like: "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?! YOU NORTHERN CUNT!" Before being told it was the queen on the phone he'd just yelled down XD.
Also there was a phone call from David Blunkett who had been caught in a sticky situation which caused Rik to wander around with the phone looking extremely horrified for a few minutes before muttering; "Oh dear"
But my favourite line was when Alan was ranting about how he should be the Prime Minister (as Tony was "kidnapped" even though it was just a scheme by B'stard) and Flora suggests that David Cameron be the new leader. To which Rik replies: "David Cameron can't run the country! He can't even run himself a bath! He can't get into a bath anyway.. Or out of a bath.. And nobody wants to see the prime minister running around Downing Street with a bathtub stuck to his arse!" Fucking genius.
The show was amazing. AMAZING. We went to buy some Lucky Charms afterwards, because we found a shop that sold them, so we missed out on meeting Martha whateverhernameis, but we weren't too bothered because WE MET RIK MAYALL. We waited around the stage door whilst Kim's dad was on the way to pick us up, but he didn't come back out because apparently he'd gone to sleep! Awwh!
Respec' Rik Mayall, respec'
Pictures will come later!