[Rik and Ade walk on as 'Rich' and 'Eddie']
Rich: Hello! Hello! Um...Er... Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his nob out of the chicken! Haha! Thank you! Eddie?
[Hands microphone to 'Eddie']
Eddie: Yes, that was me! I'd like to take the time to say fucking cunty bollocks, because those are the words we're not allowed to say in tonights episode. I thought we'd get them out of the way now, then we can get the episode out of the way, and then we can get back to talking like real people!
[Hands microphone back to 'Rich']
Rich: Yes, we've got a great show for you tonight.. And you all better laugh a lot else i'm going to come round all your houses and shag you all to death!
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I was watching the outtakes on Bottom... hehehe.
[Hedgehog and Eddie are sitting at the piano. Hedgehog is drinking from a vodka bottle.]
(I somehow think this isn't in the script)
Eddie: .. I pissed in that.
Hedgehog: .. So did I.
Eddie: Oh how delightful, a cocktail! .. A real cock-tail!.
[Eddie picks up one of the snacks littered over the top of the piano and eats it.]
Eddie: Well, that's buggered continuity.
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[Rich and Eddie are talking about Rich's aunt coming and giving them money because they're poor.]
Rich: Well, she loves animals.. That's why you're here Eddie. It'll break her heart to see us like this.
Eddie: And if it doesn't, we can break her heart with this! [holds up stick thing]
Rich: No no! We can't kill the goose that lays the golden egg! .. Golden egg? Oh wait shit that's right! Shit!
Eddie: "Oh shit. I got it right."
Rich: Oh fuck I said shit! Oh shit I said wank!
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[Rik and Ade are sitting on the sofa. Rik is holding a fishfinger on his palm in front of Ade.]
Rik (talking to the director): Okay? Like this? Alright. Do you want me to come in again?
Ade: Maybe it should be like this. [Turns fishfinger around.]
Rik: But that would ruin continuity!
Ade: So?
Rik: We'd get letters!
Ade: When?!
Rik: When the BBC wake up and realise that the fishfinger is the wrong way round!
[Stage hand comes on and changes the fishfinger back to how it was.]
Rik: Aah! You see! Who was right, it was me wasn't it!
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[Rich and Eddie are looking after the corner shop for the landlord. They're behind the counter.]
Rik (opens the paper): .. Oh look! "The New Statesman" (this other programme that Rik Mayall is in.) "Is the most rip-roaringly funny comedy on television at the moment!"
Ade: What?
Rik: No look! Really! It's there! [Points to a review of The New Statesman.]
Ade: And people say that 'Sport' (the newspaper) is shit!
Rik: No it's great! This is MY paper!.. (reading) Browsing the telly with Kevin Perry... Well, thanks Kev!
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Well. There's loads more but you're probably wondering why i'm boring you so much. You know what? It's not boring at all! Go by the Bottom series and see for yourselves!