NEIL: Guys, guys, guys, I think I've solved our money problem. I'm
writing to my bank manager. See what you think. [he reads from his
letter] "Dear Bank Manager."
MIKE: Yeah?
NEIL: Well, that's it. I'm quite pleased with it so far, though.
MIKE: Oh, well, it's a strong opening, certainly.
VYV: I don't like the "Dear". Sounds a bit too much like, "will you go to
bed with me?"
NEIL: Well spoken, Vyvyan. What do you think instead?
VYV: Uh, what about..."Darling"?
[the guys concur]
NEIL: [writing] "Darling Bank Manager..."
RICK: No, no, no, no, no, not "Bank Manager", it's far too crawly
bum-lick. Tell it like it is, put, "Fascist Bullyboy"!
NEIL: "Darling Fascist Bullyboy..."
MIKE: That's nice, yes, so far so good. So what do you want to say?
NEIL: Well, basically, I want to ask him if I can have, like, an extension
on my overdraft, but I know there must be a better way of putting it than
that.
MIKE: Well, what about, "Give me some more money"?
VYV: ..."You bastard!"
[the guys murmur their agreement]
NEIL: Don't you think that's a bit strong?
MIKE: Ah, Neil, people like that respect strength.
NEIL: Yeah, you're right. Uh, "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some
more money, you bastard..." Uh... "Love, Neil".
VYV: Not "_Love_ Neil"! That sounds far too much like, "Come and get it
like a bitch-funky sex machine!"
NEIL: Yeah, you're right...Uh, what about, "Yours sincerely"?
RICK: Oh, come off it, Neil. If you're going to be that sycophantic, why
don't you go 'round there now and stick your tongue straight down the back
of his trousers?
NEIL: Oh, look, I know, I know, why not, "Boom Shanka"?
MIKE: That's hard to tell, Neil. What does it mean?
NEIL: It means, "May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of
your woman."
RICK: Ah-ha! And what makes you think your bank manager's a man?
NEIL: Uh...His beard.
MIKE: He'll never understand "Boom Shanka", you'll have to write the whole
thing out.
NEIL: Right, okay, here we go. "Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some
more money, you bastard. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the
belly of your woman, Neil." [he looks pleased]
RICK: Well, if that doesn't work, I don't know what will.