This is the greatest and best story in the world. Unfortunately, it's also the weirdest and most difficult to follow. So in order for you to not get completely lost when reading this novelette, i've created the handy dandy Chronicle Guide! You should be able to see it on the navigational bar on the right side of your screen. Right click this link and open it in a new window, that way you can check it whenever a number appears in the story, like this: (1). The Chronicles Of Physics was written by my friend Nicola and I, we don't own anyone in the story and we have no money so it's not worth sueing us anyway.
A few things you should know before you begin reading this. If you're not a Green Day fan don't read this. If you're a Bullet For My Valentine fan don't read this. If you don't like boy kissing don't read this. If you're a stickler for tying up all loose ends don't read this. If you love plot holes then read this. If you find any plot holes then you're a damn liar. Mike Dirnt is God. Nicola and I wrote this when bored out of our minds in our GCSE physics lessons. We have since passed this course. (Yes, we actually passed!) It took over 6 months to write. If you'd like to tell me how much you love/hate this story then either note me on this handy dandy website, or e-mail me at: cozzy_v@hotmail.com. Anyway, onwards?
~THE CHRONICLES OF PHYSICS~
Or.. "Dun Dun DUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!"
One day, Tre was sitting in the hot tub. "Tre likes bubbles!" he shouted. Suddenly the bubble fairy appeared with a magic wand. He looked strangely like Jason. Jason fluttured his fairy wings. "Here," he said, handing Tre some green fairy dust. "Have some wishes!"
"YAY!" said Tre "I wonder what I should wish for? World peace? A cookie? My very own George Fornby video?"
Jason the bubble fairy exploded and disappeared because he was laughing so much at Tre's... Interesting taste in music. Mike skipped past singing George Fornby.
Then Billie Joe walked by singing "OLIVER!" dressed as a swedish mountain goat, with the purple nose and everything! "DRESS UP!" Screamed Tre excitedly, he went to get his firemans outfit and pole and... hose... which he always has on him but never has a good enough excuse to get it out. Except when Billie Joe gets his out and wants to play. Synchronised firemen! (1)
Tre had mislaid his firemans hat so he started to cry tears of lemonade because he had been drinking cherryade. That makes sense if you think about it in THAT way. Billie Joe comforted Tre in the 'special' way that only Billie Joe can.
"Tre" Said Billie in his special voice. "Won't you 'guide my sleigh tonight' wink wink nudge nudge" (2)
Tre looked confused. "But it's not christmas?"
Billie Joe rolled his eyes. "Nevermind, let's just sing christmas songs!"
"Huh?" Said Tre.
Corinne and Nicola came in from no where... "Tre Cool the one balled drummer.." Mike appeared behind them with a tambourine. Tre suddenly had a great idea, he threw the fairy dust around. "I WISH I WAS GOD!"
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! (3)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc! Tre you Bullet For My Valentine fan - look what you did!" (4)
Tre giggled, "I'm not a BFMV fan! You are!" Tre made Mike into a Bullet For My Valentine fan. "Yay! I'm God!" Billie Joe was confused. Mike ran away to listen to BFMV. Billie tried to avoid looking directly into Tre's eyes, Tre was going to do something odd...
Suddenly Billie Joe was standing on a mountain made of ice cream! "Holy shit!" He cried. Tre appeared next to him, "Welcome to the new and improved mount everest! Now you can eat it!"
Several hours later, Tre was sitting in a corner shaking and giggling due to the amount of sugar. Billie couldn't remember the words to Time Of Your Life.
".... Ice cream?" Said Billie, all puzzled. "No, that's not it... Ice.. Cream? NO! Aaaah!"
Tre gave up with the ice cream and found a wall to stand on. "Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me..." He smiled. (5)
"But... I already do?" Billie was confooooosed.
"You're always confused..." Said Tre who was feeling unusually smart! Then a strange look crossed his face.. "E=MC2!"
Billie Joe fainted. How did Tre get so smart?
"How did I get so smart?" Cried Tre, "I don't like it! I feel all reliable and responsible! Oh no! Billie fainted! I should put him into the recovery position!.... AH?!"
Suddenly Mike ran in. "Looooook! I'm going to set my hand on fire! Aaah!"
"No! Mike! You could seriously injure yourself or destroy your surroundings!" Everyone stared dumbfounded at Tre, including Tre who was looking into a mirror. Billie Joe double fainted at Tre's smartness.
"Uh oh! We'de better switch back before.."
"Eat the cookie!" Said Mike.(6)
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
"Where is that dramatic music coming from?" Asked Billie Joe through his double faint.
"It's meeeee!" Cried Mike. "Hot tub!!"
Billie, Tre and Mike were sitting in the hot tub. Tre blinked. "If I wasn't so irrefutably smart, i'd ask how we got here!"
"Mike likes bubbles!" Said Mike.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Jason the bubble fairy appeared, dancing to George Fornby.
"JASON! You gotta help! I'm smart! And responsible!" Tre started to cry, his tears were made of organically grown environmentally friendly tomato juice. (7) "Waaaah!" Cried Tre, "Even my tears are responsible!"
"Erm.. Wingardium Leviosa!" Shouted Jason and pointed his... shiny wand at Tre. (8)
"Wheeeeee!" Shouted Tre as he began to levitate! "This is fun! BUBBLES!"
"He's going irresponsible again!" Screamed Billie Joe.
"Accio coffee!" Shouted Jason the bubble fairy.
"Coffeeeeeeeee!" Mike laughed.
"Yay!" Screamed Billie Joe, "He's all..... Responsible again!"
"But Tre," Said Jason, "You still have two wishes left." Mike drank his coffee and coughed.
"I wish Mike was God again!" Cried Tre. Mike suddenly felt all Godly and didn't like Bullet For My Valentine.
"You have one wish left." Said Jason. Tre thought for a moment.
"I wish I had a million more wishes!"
Jason rolled his eyes and disappeared.
"I wish I had..."
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
"... BABIES!" Screamed Tre.
"You do already?" Said Mike, "Ramona and Frankito?"
"Oh.. Yeah right... I uh, remembered that..." Tre looked shifty.
Billie Joe lifted up Ramona. "See?"
"Where did you get my daughter from?" Asked Tre.
"Mike gave birth to her!" Replied Billie.
Tre pimp slapped Mike. "You whore!" He yelled. Billie Joe giggled and ran away.
Mike suddenly made it rain Lucky Charms and coughed looked embarressed. "Sorry, I guess the wish hasn't entirely worn off yet."
Billie Joe ran back dressed as Lucky the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms box. "Top o' the morning to yah!" He said in a bad Irish accent. "Hodehodeho!" (9)
Tre decided to wish for Lucky Charms and in a second the whole Earth was buried in magically delicious marshmellow cereal. "And milk!" He added as the oceans turned to dairy and people were surfing on the marshmellow pieces whilst Tre was eating them and ignoring the biscuit pieces.
"Bleurgh! Baaaaaaaaad toasted biscuity piece things!" Squealed Tre, and then he flicked some at Billie Joe. BJ (who was sticking jelly beans up his nose) jumped in the air to avoid the horrible biscuit and his Mike who was riding a flying bike. Jason flew in on his flying unicycle that he had borrowed from Tre and ate all the yummy biscuity pieces because he is odd and doesn't like marshmellows.
"I'm marshmallow intolerant." Said Jason through a mouthful of biscuits. "Hi Nick." (10)
"Who's Nick?" Asked Mike, and then he saw Nick. "Oh! Hi Nick!"
Nicks head exploded.
Corinne jumped up and down. "I TOLD YOU!" (11)
Tre was still eating marshmallows and had begun to foam at the mouth. Mike laughed, and then remembered. "Shit! We're supposed to play Milton Kenyes again in 20 minutes! To the Mike-mobile!"
The Mike-mobile was a big tourbus with 3 floors and waterbeds and it went super duper fast! When they got to Milton Keynes they found all the fans covered in marshmellows.
Corinne and Nicola were all hyperactive from the marshmellows. Robyn and Alex were confused... (12)
"Where's Tre?" Billie Joe asked. Mike and Billie walked back to the Mike-mobile to find TRE NAKED IN THE HOT TUB!
"TRE LIKES BUBBLES!" He shouted.
Billie stared open-mouthed. "Billie... Like... Nakey..." He stuttered.
"Oh no!" Cried Mike, "Billie is speechless and we're going on in 10 minutes!"
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
"There's that music again!" Said Mike, confused. Mike looked around for the noise, but when he turned back Billie Joe and Tre had run off NAKED!!
"We have a show to play!" He yelled and used his Godly powers to put clothes on them and do their hair and eyeliner.
"I'M SOOOOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!" Screamed Tre.
The crowd heard him and everyone nodded simultaneously, it looked quite odd like a nodding fest.
The theme to 2001: A Space Odessey blared out - but then it started skipping! Tre started to do the robot to the skipping sound. Nobody realised until then, but the robot is very addictive and soon everyone backstage was roboting.
Robyn sneezed and the whole crowd fell silent. (13) Tre jumped and hid under his drums breaking the chain of the robot. The crowd saw Tre and started screaming again except for the people at the back who jumped up and down saying; "What?! Who's onstage?!"
Then Billie Joe ran on but tripped over Calvin the shoe (14) and fell onto his face. "Owwie! My nose!" Billie Joe cried, running back offstage in tears.
"Billie NOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Tre, running after him.
"What the hell?!" Asked Mike, following his friends. Jason froze and suddenly realised he was onstage alone. He covered his face with his pirate hat and wondered what to do. Then he remembered something he had done when Billie Joe had given him a saucepan and a wooden spoon. He ran up to Tre's drums and banged them really loudly! "I AM THE DRUMMER FROM GREEEEN DAAAAAY!" He shouted. (15)
Everyone gasped.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Jason continued shouting and banging the drums.
"What?!" Asked Tre, coming back onstage. He was confused. When did Jason replace him? Tre Shrugged, "Save a drum!" He cried "Bang me!"
"Okay!" Cried Jason, climbing off of the drums and walking towards Tre with arms outstretched.
"Aah!" Tre ran away.
Billie Joe walked out onto the stage looking angry.
"Meeeeeeeehhh! My Tre!" He whined, not exactly living up to the look of anger on his face.
The whole crowd was shocked. "I knew it!" Said Corinne. Nicola and Robyn nodded.
"Oops..." Billie Joe blushed. "Err... I mean, my tre...cle pudding! That man is eating it!" He pointed wildly into the crowd.
Glen Matlock lifted his treacle pudding and waved to Billie Joe. (16) The camera zoomed in on Tre Cool's face - all sad and pouty (awh!) he hated it when Billie denied their 'friendship'. He never did, he loved telling people. Why did Billie have such a problem with it? WAS BILLIE ASHAMED OF HIM?!
Tre suddenly realised he had said all of that out loud and everyone in Milton Keynes was now staring at him.
Everyone was gripped as Tre looked thoughtful (a rare occurance) "It's time we told you the truth!" He announced "Me and Billie Joe are..."
Billie Joe interrupted, "We're... GIANT RABID POLAR BEARS!"
The effort of having to think was showing on his face. Tre folded his aems and started to sulk.
"You might've used something believeable..."
"What do you mean Tre? I don't understand, God really did turn us into giant rabid polar bears.." Billie waited, "... I said, GOD REALLY DID TURN US INTO GIANT RABID POLAR BEARS!"
"Wut?" Mike mumbled, waking up.. "Oh!" He flicked his hand in a magicky 'wingardium leviosa' way and suddenly Tre and Billie turned into giant rabid polar bears.
"Rawr" said Tre, as a giant rabid polar bear.
"Omigawsh! Endangered species!" Shouted someone. Suddenly a huge group of animal rights activists jumped onto stage.
"Rawrun!" Cried Billie Joe, but it was too late. BJ and Tre were caged and in the back of an RSPCA van.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
"Omigawsh! I have to save them!" Cried Mike, getting ready to use his Godly powers. Suddenly Jason ran over. "Oh no you don't!" He shouted, using his bubble powers to take all of Mikes powers and transforming into 'J-MAN! The evil bubble fairy!'
"Oh no!" Cried Mike, "Now how will I save Billie Joe and Tre?" He ran to the Mike-mobile to hatch a plan.
Luckily, Mike had installed a giant rabid polar bear tracking device into the Mike-mobile the previous month.
"At least I will know where they are." He thought. Suddenly, Mike remembered the awards show the band had attended a few months ago. He had been trying to steal BJ away from Tre and had put a controlling device on BJ's butt. (17)He'd forgotten about this until now as - feeling guilty - he had made Tre think that it was all a dream.
"Excellent! But will it work in his rabid polar bear state?" He wondered for a moment. "Why am I talking to myself?"
He reached inside his toolbox and pulled out the controller and pressed the on button. Somewhere in a large RSPCA van Billie Joe smacked Tre as he felt a pinch on his bum.
"Kinky!!" Giggled Tre.
...
Judging from the way the dots on the tracking device were moving *wink wink*, Mike realised that the controlling device WAS working, either that or Billie was shaking his ass? Anyway, it was working!
Mike fired up the mike-mobile and zoomed after the RSPCA van, not noticing J-MAN! in the background raising an army of purple pumpkins.Until, out of nowhere one of the pumpkins started to tickle him!
"Uh oh!!" Thought Mike - "I'd better put this plan into action!"
Mike started to control Billie Joe. Somewhere in the back of an RSPCA van Billie Joe whispered in polar bear to Tre. Tre bounded into the front of the van.
"Cute n' cuddly!" He thought, curling up on the driver's knee and looking all sweet.
"Awh look... etc.." Cooed the driver, leaving Billie Joe to break through the cage.
Billie set about biting at the bars before noticing the key was still in the lock, he opened the doors and to his horror found -
AWOOF! (18)
Oops, I mean..
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
...A magic bean (19)
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
"Why is there a magic bean outside the van? And what's so magical about it?"
Billie Joe was shook out of his thoughts by Tre shouting: "Helllooo? Cute 'n' cuddly polar that is also giant and rabid is a very difficult thing to do! HURRY UP!!"
Tre suddenly realised that if he was in the front of the van, he could just open the door and get out.
"Billie! C'mon!" He shouted, "Let's go plant the magic bean!"
The driver was singing along to George Formby and didn't notice Tre and Billie climbing out of the van next to him. Luckily, when they got off they were next to a field and Tre now had a shovel for some reason.
Tre began to dig, "Dig, dig, dig a hole, plant a magic bean!" He sang..
Billie Joe threw the bean in the ground and waited for it to grow.
After about five minutes Tre got bored and started humming the theme to Sesame street. Billie noticed something happening and all of a sudden there was a tree in front of them!
"HELLO!" It screamed, hysterically. "I AM A TREE!" (20)
"OOOoooOOOooooOOOOOoohh!!" Squealed Tre. "A talking treeee!"
"Heh?!" Said Billie Joe..
"Hey you guys - what happened?!" Mike asked, pulling up at the side of them. "And why did that tree just grow out of nowhere?"
"Magic bean." Replied Tre and Billie in unison.
"Change us back!!" Begged Billie Joe as Mike inspected the magicky beany three thing. Mike shrugged and flicked his wrist in a Godly like way..
"Mike! Mike! Can we climb the tree?" Tre begged.
"But Milton Keynes! Hard-Fi had to go back on and everyone's going mad!" (21)
Tre froze and a look of anger crossed his face. "How dare they?!" Tre jumped into the Mike-mobile and started the engine. "GET IN!" He roared. Mike and Billie squealed and climbed in quickly. Tre switched on the radio in case George Formby or the alphabet song was on and then drove off, making sure to press the "super speed" button. Soon they were at MK and everyone was pelting Hard-Fi with the biscuity bits of Lucky Charms.
"STOP!" Screamed the lead singer, "Or i'll..."
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
".. Cover a Green Day song!" He cried, menacingly.
Everyone in Milton Keynes gasped, then Green Day gasped, then everyone over at the U2 concert gasped and Jason White covered his mouth, and quietly gasped.
"You wouldn't dare?!" Cried Billie Joe.
"Oh! Wouldn't I?!.." The lead singer asked, tying a red tie and putting on a crown. "How are you going to stop me?"
"Mike! Do something!" Squealed Tre as the lead singer started whining the first few lines of King For A Day. Mike couldn't hear Tre, however, because he'd covered his ears with his hands!
Tre started to act out; "Do something!", when he suddenly realized that Billie Joe was heading to the front, smiling and singing along.
"What are you doing?!" He screamed, like a monkey that'd just been cheated out of money. (22)
"What? I LIKE Hard-Fi!" Billie smiled and joined them onstage, but then he noticed that the lead singer of Hard-Fi was wearing HIS tie and HIS crown.
"Wait.." He started, "You FUCKER!"
"Uh oh.. Someone's in trouble.." Tre sang, pointing at the lead singer. Billie Joe dived on top of the lead singer from Hard-Fi (but not in a kinky way) and tried to eat his face off!
Then, in a shock twist to the story, all the Green Day fans were all; "Billie! What are you doing? Hard-Fi rule!"
"Heh?!" Said Mike.
"That indeed is a shock twist!" Stated Corinne.
"W... W-w...W....W.."
"WHAT?!" Shouted Tre, interrupting Billie who was still stuttering. All of the Green Day fans shrugged and in another shockingly strange twist, started pelting Mike with chewy marshmellow pieces.
Billie joe was confused. Green Day were supposed to be the band that everyone came to see - Hard-Fi were just there to make them look better!
Thinking quickly, BJ pulled his tie off the singer and gagged him with it. He grabbed a guitar from nowhere in particular and began to play Time Of Your Life. It was then that BJ, Mike, Tre and Jason realised - the lead singer from Hard-Fi had somehow traded voices with Billie Joe!
"Oh my Mike! BJ is a whiny emo guy!" Tre turned pale and burst into tears, "We're a whiny emo band! .. Oh no.. What if we're worse than BFMV?!"
"What?" Asked Mike, finally uncovering his ears, he seemed not to have noticed he had been pelted with marshmellows.
Tre shuddered, "No, no.. We're not that bad! But you can just change them back, right?!"
"Yeah, I guess." Mike realised, flicking his wrist with no effect. "I.. Can't?!"
"No!" Yelled the bassist from Hard-Fi, "But I can!"
Everyone gasped again, including the people at the U2 concert.
"B..But how?" Stammered Mike, feeling very ungodly.
"Whhhhy is myyyy voice like thiiiis?" Whined Billie Joe.
"Hmm.." Said Tre, suddenly feeling unusually smart, "It's bec... Oh, wait I don't really know!"
"Weeeell," Said Billie, "I guess there's nothing left for us to do but go home and give up Greeeen Daaaayyy!"
"NO!" Shouted someone from the crowd, the audience parted and Glen Matlock walked forwards, throwing down his treacle pudding.
"If you don't stop these shenanigans, i'll have to..."
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
"... Sing like Avril Lavigne!"
Everyone gasped - one girl fainted.
"That's not all.." Continued Glen, "I'll sing like Avril Lavigne covering a Green Day song!" (23)
"Oh dear Mike!" Gasped Billie Joe, "That's worse than Hard-Fi!"
Tre cuddled his lollipop that had appeared from no where. "But Avril Lavigne is baaaaaaaaaaddddddd!"
Suddenly, Mike and Tre noticed that BJ had disappeared, a second later.. "OMG! The sun is onstage!" (24)Mike cried, shielding his eyes and putting Tre's sunglasses on for him!
"What?" Asked Glen Matlock who was confused.
"Oh.. My.. Me..." Said Mike, who (due to his Godly powers) could already see who was on the stage.
"B.. Billie?" He cried in disbelief, "W.. What happened to your head?!"
"I'm a pretty boy!" Cried Billie.
"Oh great," Sighed Tre, "You don't want to tell anyone about us, but could you make it any clearer how.. Camp you are?!"
Billie stared dumbfounded at Tre for a moment, before replying, "Well.. My shirt is from Gucci!"
Tre smacked his forehead with his hand. "Why can't we just admit it Bill!" He yelled, "I got turned into a giant rabid polar bear for you!"
"Stop making this all about you!" Shouted back Billie Joe, "This is about my hair!"
Several fans had laughed themselves to death after seeing BJ's hair and so Milton Keynes was slowly being evacuated. Tre pouted, "Well.. Only I can get away with having STOOPID hair!" (25) He put his lolly back in his mouth and jumped off, slamming several imaginary doors behind him.
A lightbulb appeared over his head, "Oh yeah!! I have loads of wishes!" A strange look crossed his face, "Damn! Why didn't I just WISH me and BJ weren't giant rabid polar bears?!" He felt kind of stupid. "I wish I had the same hairstyle that I had in the *gasp for breath* When I Come Around video!!"
In a burst of confetti, Tre's hairstyle suddenly changed.
Then the lightbulb fell from the sky and smushed on Tre's head. "Ow!" Said Tre, and then ran off to suck up to Billie and try to get him to change his hair back.
Later BJ, Tre and Jason (who has mad hair anyway) were all sitting around.
Suddenly Mike walked in, "Ok! This is stupid! And so's my hair!" The other guys gasped. Mike had curly pink bunches in his hair!
"Whoa..." Said Tre, his eyes widening with awe.
"Jeez Mike! What happened?!" Billie jumped to his feet, running his hands through his hair, still thinking it looked good.
"It's so PRETTY!" Squealed Tre, lurching forwards with his arms outstretched.
Mike blew a big bubblegum bubble. "Yeah, i'm so pretty!"
"Hmm.." Said Jason, "He models that hairstyle too well!"
"Get him!" Billie shouted, shaking his hair in a 'because i'm worth it' way.
Everyone jumped on Mike. "Oh!!" Shouted Tre, "He's a... GIRL!"
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
"A girl?!" Gasped everyone.
"No!" Squealed Mike, "I'm a real boy!"
"He's a real boy!!" Screamed Tre, who by now was very worked up and hysterical. "GET HIM!"
"But wait!!" Billie Joe yelled, pointing at Mike.
"What? I AM a real boy!" Mike protested as his nose grew longer and longer and poked Jason in the eye,
"Meanie." Said Jason.
Tre poked Mike in the head and gasped, turning towards Billie and Jason. "He's a little wooden puppet!"
Sure enough, as soon as the guys looked close enough they could see strings attached to Mike's hands and arms. Jason looked around confused for a moment before the penny dropped. "Oh! That's not really Mike!"
"So what's happened to the real Mike?" Asked Billie Joe, pushing a comb through his hair like that poncy guy from Grease.
"It must be that bastard from Hard-Fi!" Tre decided, feeling a sudden sense of smartness. (Again.)
"To the Mike-mobile!" Billie Joe cried, throwing on his super BJ cape and putting Tre's superdooper Tre mask on for him.
Sam Bayer walked in and frowned, "What's The Snoo doing here?" He asked, pointing at Tre. (26)
"ACK!" Cried Billie, "Wrong mask!! .. And why did I just say ack?"
Tre Snoo was already running towards the Mike-mobile. "There's no time to swap!" He shouted. BJ started the Mike-mobile and they sped off to the secret lair of Hard-Fi.
5 minutes later, they arrived outside the lair. Billie Joe did a funny sideways jump out of the Mike-mobile and pulled Tre and Jason with him. Jason blasted the door open with his special Jason powers and led the guys into the lair.
A strange smell washed over them as they walked down the corridor to the main room where Hard-Fi were sitting. Inside the room, BJ could hear the singer guy speaking - and he still had BJs voice.
"Hey!!" He whined.
All the conversations stopped and Tre put his finger to his lips. "Holy bubble-gun, Billie! Be quiet!!" They hid in the shadows as the bassist opened the door a bit and peeked out. In the background they could see Mike in a glass container, trying to escape.
The lead singer stroked his kitty, all evil cliche like.
A mini version of the lead singer wandered out, an evil look on his face. "Hey, it's Greeeeen Daaaaay!" He said, trying to be all menacing and lifting a gun.
"Awh, look!" Laughed Tre, "He's all small!"
Tre distracted the mini guy while BJ and Jason ran to get Hard-Fi. Mike floated around in his glass container drinking coffee.
"Oh, look at me! I'm being distracting!" Sang Tre, dancing around. He pulled out a hoop and put it around his waist, whilst doing a funky hip dance. "Hoopla, bitch!"
BJ and Jason meanwhile, burst into the main room, brandishing their hair. "Nobody move or i'll blind you all!" Cried Billie.
The lead singer from Hard-Fi laughed when he saw Billie trying to be threatening with really prettyful hair, but then in a flash (literally) Jason pulled out a torch and shone it on BIllie Joe's head. The light reflected back at all angles (apart from the angles that would blind Green Day, which was incredibly convenient!) And blinded the guys from Hard-Fi.
"Now give meeee my voice baaack!" BJ demanded, brandishing a big foam jigsaw piece.
"But I like your fucking voice, fucking shit planet fuck!" Cried the lead singer. He was blind though, and didn't realise he was talking to a wall.
"Mike! Dooooo something?!" Whined Billie Joe, turning towards Mike who had just been let out of the container.
"I'm afraid I can't let that happen." Said a voice from the shadows. They turned to see who it was and saw...
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
.. SID VICIOUS!! IN HIS UNDERWEAR!! (27)
"Oh my Mike!" Cried Tre, "It's that hot punk guy!" *drool*
"What?! But you're dead!" Exclaimed Mike, confused.
"If Hard-Fi can switch voices, they can easily bring back the dead!" Replied Sid Vicious, turning round and noticing BJ with his hair. "Ouch.. What happened to you?" He asked, looking quite afraid at the bleachedness.
"It looks GOOD!" Billie Joe yelled, "Anyway, we need to switch our voices back, let Mike do something or i'll come closer and blind you with my hair!"
Sid did the sexy sneering thing, "But Hard-Fi were sent here to take over the world, and an amateur bassist like Mike Dirnt isn't going to stop them!"
"Hmm.. That's weird." Thought Billie Joe. "Mike just got called an amateur by Sid Vicious!"
"But Mike is God!" Stammered Jason, who was for some reason talking to Australia from his mobile phone.
"How odd." Said Tre.
"This ends now!" Shouted the lead singer from Hard-Fi. "Listen up, 'cause this is where I explain our diabolical plan! We switched our voices so people like us! Then we're raising an army of the dead to spread rumours that Green Day are amateurish! Muahaha!"
"That makes no sense!" Cried Dee Dee Ramone, "Green Day are awesome! You guys suck!"
"He's right." Agreed Joe Strummer.
"Wait!" Gasped Mike, "I forgot to tell you guys - we have our own army of dead people to take on Hard-Fi... And ours are all better!"
"I see..." Said Billie Joe. "In your face, Har..."
"But I want Sid Vicious on our team!" Whined Tre.
"Well, BJ said the Sex Pistols sucked!" Said Sid, pouting, and he ran away. (28)
Mike frowned, Tre pouted and kicked BJ. Jason was staring out a random window before turning round. "Oh wow!" He squealed, "The Ramones!"
BJ shook his head, "Jason, you're so stupid.."
Joey Ramone glared at Hard-Fi, "You guys are a disgrace to the music industry!!"
Hard-Fi quaked in their boots and fell over. Johnny Ramone hit them over the head with his guitar and the other guys threw them into the big container.
"Hoorah!" Tre clapped, "Victory!"
Billie Joe gave Tre a sideways glance and rolled his eyes, "Whatever!"
"Party!!" Cried Joe Strummer.
"To the party tree!" Cried Mike.
"Yay! We're gonna climb the treeeeeeeeee!!" Tre shouted joyfully as he ran towards the Mike mobile.
"Oh yeah, that random magicky beany tree thing.." Muttered Billie. The Mike mobile was set in uber super doopery dooper fast mode, so they got there in no time.
Tre scrambled out of the Mike mobile and ran to the tree.
"Be careful!" Shouted Mike.
Everytime Tre tried to pull himself up the trunk, he slid down again. "Waah!" He cried, "The tree is all lubricated or something!! ...Where's my lollipop?"
"How do you know about lubrication?!" Mike asked, all shocked.
Billie handed him a really big lollipop and patted him on the head, giving him a 'deny everything' look.
Tre glared at Billie and turned to Mike. "Me and Billie are having sex," He said simply.
"What?!" Cried Mike.
"Oh! HAR HAR Tre!" Laughed BJ, "You're so funny! Me and you, haha, that's funny!"
Tre pouted as Mike started laughing uncertainly along with BJ.
"How silly!" BJ said, "I'm so straight, look at my hair!"
"OH MY ME! YOU ARE HAVING SEX!" Mike gasped... "Whoa!"
Tre danced, "Yay! The secret's out! The secret's out! The secret's out!"
Billie pouted, "My hair looks good.."
Tre, Jason and Mike exchanged looks before collapsing on each other in hysterical fits of laughter.
Then, all of BJ's hair fell out.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
"AAAUUUUUAAAAAAUUUAARRRRRRRAAAUUUUUAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!! MY HAIR!!" Screamed Billie Joe, clutching his now bald, shiny head.
"Haha!" Laughed Tre, "Baldy-Joe Armstrong!"
"Hey! We're twins!" Shouted Jack (29)(ick!) who had had an accident with a lawn mower that had absolutely nothing to do with Corinne, Nicola, Hannah and Kim.
"AAAAUUUUAAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAUUUUUAAAAAUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" Screamed Billie Joe, running away in tears.
"That's taking it too far!" Glared Mike, all wrathful-vengeance-raining-blood-Godly-like. All of a sudden, Jack's head exploded and the force was so strong that Mike, Tre and Jason were all thrown wildly into the air. (30)
Everyone rejoiced because Jack's wrath of pervy-scaryness was over, and then Mike, Tre and Jason sat in the corner, wondering why Baldy Joe's hair had fallen out.
"Maybe it was.."
"Let's go climb the tree again!" Exclaimed Tre, "I like lubrication!"
"Good idea, maybe Billie will be up there!" Said Jason, and they all went to climb the tree.
Billie wasn't up the tree when they got there, but after Tre had used Mike's flying bicycle to get to the top, he found he could see for miles!
"OH! I CAN SEE HIM!" He screamed, pointing and almost falling out of the tree. "Look! He's in that house over there with his.. Wife!" The shock shocked Tre, and he fell out of the tree.
"But I thought Billie was gay?" Asked Mike, confused, "I mean... His hair?"
"I'm not really gay." Said BJ, appearing from the house with his wife. "I have a wife, her name is Adrienne!"
"Hi." Said Adrienne.
"...Well!" Said Tre, "...I...Uh..." Tre was all upset. "...Oh wait, I knew you had a wife.. Odd.."
"Anyway," Said Jason, "who had magically turned into the bubble fairy again. "Hot tub!" Jason waved his wand and BJ, Mike, Tre and Jason were all in the hot tub... Naked!!
"Hey, you don't have freakish genitalia!" BJ pointed to Jason, "Get outta here!" (31)
Jason painted his penis green and looked pleadingly at Billie Joe. Tre turned the bubbles on and smiled. "TRE LIKES BUBBLES!"
"Wait!" Cried Jason, "Look!"
Everyone looked, and Mike gave birth to a smurf.
"Oh no!!" Gasped Tre, falling out of the hot tub. "I'm allergic to smurfs! Nooo! Nooooooo!"
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
Tre put a tissue over his nose and mouth so that he didn't breathe in the scent of the smurf.
"Well that makes no sense, how do you know you're allergic to smurfs if you've never met... WAIT!!" Billie Joe suddenly worked something out, "If... Mike gave birth to a smurf, does that make him Papa Smurf?"
Tre spluttered, "But smurfs are asexual! They don't even HAVE reproductive organs!!"
Jason looked weirdly at Tre, "How do you even know that?"
"Oh come on," Replied Tre, "Have you never seen Donnie Darko?"
"Wait!!" Cried Billie Joe again, noticing something else that was perplexing. "If smurfs are asexual, and Mike is Papa Smurf.. How did he get pregnant?"
Mike blushed.
"Well, maybe we don't know how he got pregnant but at least we know why he never gets it out on stage... And why we thought he was a girl!" Gasped Jason.
Billie Joe walked out from Mike's bedroom looking accusational and holding a Smurfette poster.
"And now we know how he got pregnant too..." Said Jason.
"So you really are Papa Smurf?" Asked Tre.
"I guess so." Mike shrugged.
"...And God?" Continued Tre.
"Oh yeah, i'm God too.." Mike paused, "I am a Godly smurf."
Suddenly Jasons finger fell off, "Oh, would you look at that," He said, surprised.
Billie Joe waxed his head to make it 'SHINY'!
"Hey look! We can make your finger shiny too!" He said, picking up the finger. Jason was upset.
The smurf climbed onto Tre and licked him.
"WAAAAAAAAAH! CHOO! CHOO!" Tre had an uncontrollable sneezing fit and attempted to pull the smurf off of his face. "GET IT - CHOO! - OFF!" He screamed.
Jason snatched his finger back from BJ (who was about to dip it in wax) and glued it back to his hand with Pritt Stick.
Tre jumped in the hot tub and went under the water, (yes, it's a very deep hot tub) in an attempt to drown the smurf, and also find out what colour smurfs turned when suffocated.
"Get it! Get it!" Cheered BJ, clapping.
"My baaaaaby!" Cried Mike, sobbing onto a very confused Jason.
The smurf went all shiny and orange.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!" Said everyone.
The smurf coughed and splashed around and went all purple.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!" Said everyone.
"Meeeeh!" Said the smurf and it went all pink and fluffy.
"OOOO..."
"Stop it!" Said Tre.
Mike used his Godly powers and in the blink of an eye, the smurf was next to him. Unfortunately, so were social services, who took the smurf away!!
"NOOOOOOOOO okay, whatever." Mike made some coffee.
Tre shrugged and turned on the TV. Tre's favourite show, Muffin Top, was on. (32)
"HI! I'M NICK BUT YOU CAN CALL ME MUFFIN TOP!" Screamed the hysterical presenter.
"AH!! TURN IT OFF!" Mike sank to his knees, "NO!! MY ONE WEAKNESS!"
"I thought coffee was your one weakness?" Piped up Billie Joe.
Mike stared at him for a moment. "...Shut up."
Tre stuck out his tongue. "Well, I have some wishes left and I wish that Nick was heeeeree!"
"Nooooooooooo..." Said Mike, trying to stop Tre, but it was too late and Nick from Muffin Top appeared, wearing..
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!
Click here for PART TWO.